Libyan leader misunderstands demands to relinquish power, converts to solar

Muammar Gadhafi confuses opposition's demandsTripoli – Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi swiftly installed solar panels throughout the state in a clear misunderstanding of demands that he relinquish power.

Today, in the rebels' stronghold of Benghazi, Libyan opposition leader Mustafa Abdul Jalil laid out conditions for a cease-fire with Qaddafi's forces, asking the leader to give up his power, which was not meant to be taken quite so literally.

After Jalil’s comments reached Qaddafi, the leader began dismantling Tripoli’s grid at once. Within hours, the entire city was juiced using a slew of solar installations, including a 4-gigawatt concentrated solar system, now the biggest of its kind in the world.

“I mean, I guess it’s great that Tripoli is completely off grid, but we have plenty of oil here, and that guy is still in power,” said Jalil in a press conference after Qaddafi’s announcement. “Not power, I mean, he’s still acting as dictator—I don’t want him to misunderstand me again.”

The system was installed in record time, according to Qaddafi’s Media Relations Liaison Mohammed Nasser al-Sahaf, using the millions of Qaddafi supporters still living in Tripoli.

“Not only will they do anything for their leader, but they are willing to die for him, which is exactly what happened. American and French forces just made a bomb run and killed about 250,000 of them,” said al-Sahaf. “We’d show you the proof, but we’re still waiting to get our photos back from the 1-hour photo place. Seriously, we have proof, though. Promise.”

Although Qaddafi’s regime is still in place, U.S. President Barrack Obama saw the news as a happy accident.

“Sometimes it takes a mistake to uncover new technology,” he said. “I heard that Dr. Pepper was a result of an ingredient being accidentally introduced in the recipe. I can’t seem to remember where I heard that.”

Abdelilah al-Khatib, who had carried the opposition's message to Qaddafi the day before, said he is simply flabbergasted.

Al-Khatib reiterated to Qaddafi that the U.N. objective is to achieve a cease-fire and end the loss of civilian lives and didn’t see how building a solar power plant was really in pursuit of that goal.

“When I explained the demands to Qaddafi, he had that look like someone who isn’t listening,” said Al-Khatib. “I spoke slower, but he still didn’t get it. I saw a light go on above his head, but I feared it was the result of an unrelated thought he had.”

But some organizations are behind Qaddafi’s move. The Cooperative of Solar Energy Industries spoke to Clean Energy Authority minutes after the announcement hit the airwaves.

“We think it’s just great—a major win for the solar industry,” said CSEI spokesperson David Nevereads. “Wait, who installed it? The Libyan guy? Wait, we don’t want to comment on that at all.”

After Nevereads was made aware that this article is, in fact, an April Fools’ joke, he lightened up.

Pictured: Qaddafi takes time off from pretending he’s a circa 1974 Miami cocaine dealer to celebrate one of the solar installations outside Tripoli.